Living?
I said that I was going to write one essay/post each week after returning from Romania... I'm back now, so there's no more excuses to putting it off.
I've been busier in the last few months with work/family/friends/activities than in any other time in my life. Being busy can be tiring every now and then, but I can say that this has been the most rewarding and happiest time of my life. I could live like this.
In a previous post, I said being well rounded was a bad excuse for mediocrity. My favorite thing about blogging is the fact that I can go back and find my all my uninformed blog posts from the last two years - it's a nice way to see some of what I have learned in such a short period of time. I've come to the conclusion that I am uninformed about nearly everything I have an opinion on due to my limited experiences and knowledge. But I'm not going to let the knowledge of my limited knowledge (make sense?) stop me from voicing my opinions/thoughts here. For the record - I take it back: being well rounded isn't an excuse for mediocrity - it means you have your crap together. If you can be good at several things simultaneously, it says a lot about you. For example, if you are a great sprinter and published scientist, I can make the assumption that you know how to manage your time pretty well.
Now I'm not saying that I'm well rounded, I've got the next 30 years to get there, but I'm starting to work on it. For example, here are some of the things I've been able to do in the last three weeks: been to quite a few Giants games, learned how to sail (next up: cooking), traveled to Romania for a week, spent a day with a former refugee from Rwanda, and spent a lot of time thinking about what really matters to me and what I want to accomplish.
When I stepped on the plane to Romania a lot of thoughts began to run through my head. The first were about my immediate security - is this plane safe, are there terrorists. I immediately wrote those fears off because I knew that the pilots were going to do everything in their power to keep the plane from crashing - they value their lives as much/if not more that I value mine. And the chances of a terrorist hijacking an airplane is so infinitesimal that I'd probably have a better chance of winning the lottery. Then I thought about my short term security - will Andrei pick me up when I get there, will I be safe in the city I knew nothing about. I wrote that off after some thinking because I know some people from the US that had already gone and visited Bucharest with Okapi and everything was fine for them.
Then I thought of something that had never really crossed my mind - what am I most afraid of? I have heard a lot of answers from other people (spiders, small spaces, etc), and I think I've known my answer to that for quite a while now, I just never asked myself that question. My biggest fear is not living. It's pretty simple. I'm scared of living a life where I miss out on experiences because of my fear of people, places, perceptions, governments, expectations, etc. I think that is a terribly sad way to live life. Trust your friends, do things that you are afraid of (BASE jumping for me), give back to the world as much as you can cause you don't have much time here anyways.
I saw a senior from Palo Alto High School on TV the other night who had won the award for the best high school soccer player in the US and was heading to Stanford next year. She said in the clip they played that one of the things soccer had taught her was to have "a passion for living." I knew right then that she had it right - she found what I am just learning now. People that live life with a passion are the most interesting and exciting to be around. I would know, I work with four of them.
I spent the next few hours on the plane to Heathrow thinking about living life. I've had so many opportunities in the last few years that I've taken advantage of and opportunities that I've passed on. With my trip to Romania, I realized one day (about a month before the trip) that if I kept putting off traveling and doing crazy things that I'd never do them – not because I'm afraid of doing them, I just don't take the initiative to go out and do them. So I sat down that day, went to Orbitz and booked the trip 10 minutes later. I wasn't even thinking about the money, it was about the experience. So this is all to say, I am living. I don't know much about anything, but I am learning with every opportunity and chance I get.
If you have a minute (and a heart), check out Africa Mission Alliance – they're doing some amazing stuff for kids over in Rwanda right now. Donate.
Wrote this on the CalTrain with my BlackBerry (edited on computer before posting)